I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
