Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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