I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
