Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He passed out mid-signature
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
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