I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
