you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
