ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
