We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
