Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
