i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
