butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
