OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
