I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think my moral compass just broke
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
