I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
