I met the friendliest cop last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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