She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize