I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize