just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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