If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dignity is for republicans.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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