Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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