At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
