I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
