but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
