Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize