We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
