next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you had me at cake vodka
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
