If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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