playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She even gives head with a lisp.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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