Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
