I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
