OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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