Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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