Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
