If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
