We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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