Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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