you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
