As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
