But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Are we still banned from the library?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
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