good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
