Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
