Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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