I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
