Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Small penises have feelings too.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize