even my farts smell like vagina
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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