Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
