Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
These tits shall not be calmed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
