No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
