What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
