That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
