you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
