I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
