Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
