You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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