I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
