Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
well you can't waste a boner
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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