I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
