I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
