this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
