OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Randomize
