I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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