We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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