I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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