i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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